Figure it Out

To my darling Rusey.
13rd January 2016.

I did not say yes it was ok for you to go away from me Rus, you did not talk to me about it, if it will be ok for you to go and leave me, what makes you think that I could figure it all out later, figure out

Figure out that you have left me for good, not just for a day or two in hospital, figure out why your chair is empty, figure out when I say “Rus. do you want a cup of tea?” there is no answer, figure out why when I say “Is there something nice to eat?” instead of you saying there is a Kit Kat in the fridge, nothing but silence.

What made you think that I could figure out all your paper work, all those bills that keep coming, what made you think that I could figure out the gas, electricity bills, central heating boiler maintenance and insurance, figure out car insurance, tell everyone that I no longer had you.
I did not say yes to you going away from me and be without you and then figure out who is going to love me, spoil me, laugh at my jokes and silliness, push me out of the door to go and do things with my friends.

I did not want to say yes to anything and to figure it out afterwards.

You were this little light of mine that helped me to survive in this world of darkness and I will have to figure out how I am gonna let your light keep on shining.

Submitted by Silva.